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I Want You Back - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
I Want You Back
I'm realizing now what an important part of my daily life Thing Two had become over the past year. After making the move he'd long desired from indoor-only cat to one allowed to roam freely for much of the day and evening, I took on the role of his designated caretaker. But he also served as mine, in a way. When I was alone at night in the front room, feeling down, I could always go visit him in the garage or bring him into my office for belly rubs. Frequently, I wrote with him by my side or sprawled across the edges of my laptop. I don't want to sound too New Age here, but I think he did serve as a sort of muse.

Animal companionship is especially helpful when one is engaged in a solitary pursuit like writing. I imagine that the traditional link between witches and their feline familiars has its origins in the realization that creativity comes easier with cats. Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that I'm feeling pretty upset. The Michael Jackson coverage has heightened my fixation on loss, but I was having a terrible time staying asleep all week. I just realized that I'm writing this entry on the one-week anniversary of my vigil, when I lay in the sofa hoping he'd come home and kept getting up to call him every fifteen minutes or so. The song "I Want You Back" is on auto-repeat in my head right now. But though I understand Jackson's cultural significance and want to show the proper respect for the dead, it's Two that I'm thinking about when they come to the chorus. And you, too, I confess.

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Comments
e4q From: e4q Date: June 27th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
i am pretty sure that if mj had known thing two he would have sung it for him too.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 27th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I'm sure of it. He loved animals, perhaps because they didn't make the demands on him that people did.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 27th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Also, I'm a huge fan of your new icon!
e4q From: e4q Date: June 27th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
tellytubbies!



teh kitties are terrible to lose. a very personal grief.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 27th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Yes. I've been through this before, of course. But it's never easy. I know some prefer the finality of knowing the fate of loved ones, but I think I'd rather be in the dark. Or maybe not. It was good for Skylar, as hard as it was, to process her grief. Maybe it will be good for me too.
e4q From: e4q Date: June 27th, 2009 08:02 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
i don't know. i am not sure how 'good' it is for us, exactly. although it does give us a good hard jolt of impermanence. they say that it is good for children to learn grief through pets dying. i never had pets as a kid, but people died. untimely, or not, but i did have cats for a while there, and when they died it seemed extra dreadful because the quality of the relationship is largely silent, and it is hard to share that grief without seeming like a mad cat lady. and yet, they are such soul companions. it is good that you all share memories of thing 2. i think there can be healing in that.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 27th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
When I was child, my mother got superstitious and stopped us from taking photos of our pets. My favorite cats are only available to me in memories now. It's different with Two or our twenty-year-old cat who traveled to Tucson with us and lived another half year before passing away. We have many photos and videos. That makes things easier in some ways, but perhaps harder in others.
quuf From: quuf Date: June 27th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Animals have souls. I don't envy people who think dismissively of a loss like yours, or glibly consider such companions interchangeable. They don't know what we know.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 27th, 2009 07:43 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Beautifully put. I'm so in love with our new kitten. She's everything you could want in a little feline, from her non-stop play to her super-loud purr. But her presence does not make up for Thing Two's absence. It has opened up a new door in my heart. The wind continues to blow through the old one, though.
xxxpunkxgrrlxxx From: xxxpunkxgrrlxxx Date: June 27th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
losing pets is the worst :( i remember when the cat died that i'd had since i was about 8 years old, and this was not much over a year ago that he died. going to my mom's house was so weird and sad without seeing that huge white cat lying around. :(
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: June 28th, 2009 12:22 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Oh, I can imagine. We had a twenty-year-old cat we brought with us when we moved to Tucson. She lived another seven months, long enough to see us through the difficult transition. But life without her was hard. We felt so empty.
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