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What's the Opposite of Homesick? - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
What's the Opposite of Homesick?
Today marks the last day of my short trip to the San Francisco Bay Area. I had originally planned to stay through the weekend, but had to change my plans because of Kim's work schedule. I wish I had more time here. To be honest, I sort of wish I didn't have to go back at all.

Sometimes when I come here I feel like a tourist, eager to return to the less-hectic pace of Tucson. And there are moments when I've loved the Old Pueblo and the people there. Right now, though, I'm feeling particularly detached from the place. I wouldn't mind visiting it every now and then, but living there feels burdensome.

There's a lot less for me in Tucson than there used to be, even a few months ago. Not to mention that some of the few remaining people I still feel comfortable spending time with there will soon be leaving town. Coupled with the heat that is rising faster than it should and the sense of claustrophobia that my familial responsibilities inspires, the desert is reverting to its original meaning.

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Current Location: 94607

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Comments
chefxh From: chefxh Date: April 1st, 2011 07:54 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I tell people that the saints and prophets go to the desert to be cleansed. It pares away the inessential, a grueling but salubrious process. But then, well, usually sooner or later those wise and wizened people also return from that sere landscape to a place more forgiving if not fertile.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: April 2nd, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
That makes sense. And I have times when I just adore the place. I think the fact that I'm stuck here -- I really can't leave, now that my parents are here -- and under very trying circumstances is what has me do down on returning "home."
bitterlawngnome From: bitterlawngnome Date: April 2nd, 2011 12:45 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
cbertsch is to tucson as bitterlawngnome is to toronto
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: April 2nd, 2011 06:20 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I wouldn't have felt justified in making that comparison myself, given how grave your experiences in Toronto were compared to the sort I complain about in Tucson, but I suppose the sense of a place being emotionally burdensome is structurally equivalent if not proportionally so. Actually, I think Kim's relation to the Bay Area comes a lot closer to yours to Toronto. But I do appreciate the thought.
bitterlawngnome From: bitterlawngnome Date: April 2nd, 2011 08:17 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
IMO it's about being "done" with a place / set / setting, and needing to move forward into something unknown, something potential.
jstgerma From: jstgerma Date: April 2nd, 2011 02:47 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Really sorry I missed you in SF. I think I feel the opposite of how you do toward both SF & Tucson. But I can sympathize to some degree - the experience of living in Tucson was to constantly watch people I liked leave.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: April 2nd, 2011 06:26 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
It's great to hear from you here, man. I really wish I could have seen you. But I'll be back at some point -- July, if not sooner -- and may also get a chance to see you here.

My relation to the Bay Area now is odd. I don't really feel like I've returned home anymore. This time I felt like I was hanging out with an ex, doing the sorts of things we once did when we were a couple with a relaxed enjoyment, but also across a distance that I had no desire to bridge. Of course, I did spend time hanging out with an ex, not to mention being around my not-yet-ex with whom I hope to one day get to that point of sunny-dispositioned detachment.

Tucson-wise, I'm struggling with departures, past and imminent, as well as the realization that my recent attempts to develop new connections in the local communities I am drawn to have unfortunately come to nought. Or at least that's how I'm perceiving things right now, in the wake of a distressingly abrupt disconnection from one circle of friends and would-be friends.
elf_owl From: elf_owl Date: April 5th, 2011 05:25 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Let's hang out. Call or e-mail.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: April 5th, 2011 07:55 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Yes! I will do just that.
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