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Surreal Time - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Surreal Time
It has now been five days since I came down with this illness and I am still not seeing light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I finally made it to Urgent Care yesterday -- very difficult, given my caregiving and parenting demands -- and found the visit to be almost a total waste of time. I don't mean to denigrate a profession, but every time I get a PA (Physician's Assistant) instead of an actual doctor there, things go badly.

I am very well versed in speaking with doctors. My mother taught me well. And I have done a lot of talking about her in recent years. Most of the time, I know what medication is needed and how to say what will get me a prescription for it. But that skill seems wasted on PAs. Whether it's because they have to be literal-minded or just because they lack the range of knowledge that doctors possess, they don't seem to register my nuanced diagnostic commentary.

That would be annoying in its own right. But frequently the PAs I've dealt with have been maddeningly obtuse or even downright obstructionist. I specfically asked the PA last night for a strep culture, since the back of my throat is displaying the classic symptoms, but she refused! I ended up spending $40 for basically nothing.

Right now I am in the stage where I would jump for joy to feel even a little better. It's painful to eat. It's painful to talk. And the Robitussin I've been taking to deal with a potential worsening of my cough has me feeling very strange indeed. It has a depressive effect, yes, but also tends to distance me from my emotions, so that I have the sense of watching a bleak movie, only I'm in that movie.

It doesn't help that the space in which I'm currently holding my office hours has an inexplicable dyr-yet-musty smell that just won't go away, no matter how long the window is open. Nobody can place the odor. It makes me feel anxious, both because I don't tend to do well with that sort of "environmental" problem anyway and because I spend far too much time trying to figure out what it could be!

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