November 3rd, 2006

Bring on the Christal Meth

The news that Fundamentalist minister Ted Haggard is alleged to have paid a male escort to have sex repeatedly over a period of years is one thing. Homophobes often turn out to be self-haters, ashamed of their own desire. But the fact that he is also reported to have been a steady methamphetamine user, who used in the course of sexual activity, elevates the story to a higher plane:
Jones claimed Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. He said he advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and was contacted by a man who called himself Art, who snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.

Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard and that the two last had sex in August.

He said he has voice mail messages from Haggard, as well as an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash. He declined to make the voice mails available to the AP, but KUSA-TV reported what it said were excerpts late Thursday that referred to methamphetamine.

"Hi Mike, this is Art," one call began, according to the station. "Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply."

A second message, left a few hours later, began: "Hi Mike, this is Art, I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I'll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever."
I always knew that the name of my friend Joel's former band, The Christal Methodists, was a stroke of genius -- even more so than the name of his current band, Elders of Zion -- buy it on iTunes! -- which I ingeniously proposed -- but this news retroactively raises that geniousity to a super power.