February 5th, 2008

Draping a Tie-Dyed Wrap Over the Lampshade

I'm in the process of making changes in my life, both big and small. If past experience is any guide, almost nobody who reads this will have the slightest idea what I'm talking about, unless the subject is sports. Still, I wanted you to know. My first priority, after taking care of necessities, is to spend more of my time doing what I find rewarding instead of trying to please people who reward my exertions with indifference or malice. Lately I've been musing on how much of my energy has been devoted to matters where the fruits of my labor do not matter. I suppose this is ironic, given all the work I've done over the years on behalf of voluntary projects. What I require now is a means of distinguishing between the sort of volunteering that is its own reward and the sort that "rewards" me with frustration and anguish. That's one of the reasons why I've begun the process of attempting, belatedly, to reconnect with Bad Subjects. And it's also why I'm composing this entry in an unusually direct vein. It's time to move on, now. I have hundreds of tasks ahead of me before I sleep, the desire to collapse in a snowdrift be damned.