May 1st, 2010

What About Young Annalee?

In light of the rich and rewarding project that e_compass_rosa has started, I have been wondering how to articulate the weight that I carry around with me. The problem, to state it as plainly as I can, is that the weight I struggle with the most is a kind of weightlessness. To be sure, I have been carrying an awful lot in recent years. But what undoes me, time and time again, is the feeling that I have been removed from my own life like the fat that shoots up the tube during liposuction. Even the weight that I impose on others is cut out of the picture. Although I know the ostensible reasons for being "disappeared" in this manner, I still find myself being persuaded that I'm not really here. That shiver I used to get looking through photo albums in which I rarely appear, because I was taking the picture, has now become my primary response to the world.

Beautiful Day

My mood, so down yesterday, improved enormously this afternoon. I talked to my mom on the phone and told her I was coming to see her again in two weeks.

Then I picked Skylar up from theater camp again and the two of us spent many hours together in father-daughter activities. We went to Babylon Market on Speedway, which she loved, and got her black-eyed peas, a bag of mixed legumes, and a lovely handmade headress of the sort belly dancers wear and me a bottle of sour cherry syrup, because if I can't have my mom's sour cherry pie for my birthdauy I at least want that special tart sweetness on my tongue.

Then we drove up to the Apple Store to check out the iPad and the laptop she wants to get for middle school. We pulled up her new art and photography blog on several machines, then spent forty-five minutes going through my entire "Picture of the Moment" archive on a 27" iMac, looking at photos of her to see how she has grown since I began it in January, 2004.

After a quick dinner at Sauce on Campbell, where we discussed the popularity of various Apple products over the years, we went to see the truly heart-warming How To Train a Dragon for a second time. And now she is on the way home with her mother while I am heading to The Loft to see Mulholland Drive on the big screen. I feel fabulous!

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