Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch

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Great Northern Exposure

Well, Mr. Red-and-White has come and gone. He praised the mint chocolate cookies Skylar and Kim made the morning of Christmas Eve, let me give Rudolph a pat, and said to me, "just between us grown-ups," that the placement of our tree reminds him of those dream sequences in Twin Peaks.

"I love the way those couch arms look," he added. "And the curtains just drip with significance." At his insistence, I also documented the grouping of gifts below the branches of perpetual life.

"I think it's sweet that Skylar likes her stocking best of all," Santa continued. "The Missus and I watch a lot of television up at the Pole. But we can't stand commercials. Do you know whatever happened to Sherilyn Fenn? Make sure you get the one with the purplish wrapping paper. That's my favorite this season."

"Do note that I also brought something for your wife, at her request. Time to be going. Try not to make everyone miserable this year in a vain attempt to maintain control of the turkey. My advice? Leftovers. Merry Christmas to all and all that." With those words, Santa ushered Rudolph out the front door and disappeared into the night. I took a few more inhaler puffs and sat down at the laptop. But I concur wholeheartedly with the sentiment.

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