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Spoke Too Soon - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Spoke Too Soon
Earlier in the week I almost said, "I don't really have that sort of writing anxiety." Luckily, I caught myself. But apparently just thinking it was, as Jesus instructs, enough. Now I'm awash in self-doubt over my tendency to go baroque. That entry from yesterday, the one I copied over from my handwritten journal, that's more or less how I write without a filter. It takes lots of work to render my prolix musings more accessible. I often acknowledge as much, yet usually don't feel the force of the acknowledgment as much as I should. There have been other times since I started this blog when I felt uncomfortably exposed, like when I was reflecting on Jane Campion's In The Cut and Steven took issue with my reference to Judith Butler's work. Today is a little different, though, because I was more aware of what I was doing when I posted my entry on "point." Somehow that self-consciousness isn't shielding me the way I thought it would. I'm beset with intimations of my own freakishness, convinced that the bridges I try so hard to maintain between academic and non-academic life are structurally unsound, beautiful but doomed. Then again, it may just be the combination of residual antihistamine and resurgent congestion that's making me go dark. I'll keep you posted.

Mode: irrité
Muse: Albino Slug - Scratch Acid - Greatest Gift

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Comments
art_thirst From: art_thirst Date: February 21st, 2005 01:07 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
So, your weekend has you beset with doubt? *wink*
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: February 21st, 2005 01:08 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Alas, yes. . . :-)
commonalgebra From: commonalgebra Date: February 21st, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

nerdlinger

you know what, I think this bridge thing between your academic and non-academic life may be a bit of a delusion when it comes to the way you think and write. I mean, yeah, separate your personal life from some of that freaky competitive, driven, insular, clique-ish culture that can be part of academia (not all, I'm not saying all of the academic world is like this!!!).

But, I just don't know if you'll really escape the...well, nerdiness that may just be part of your person because you have a passionate interest in thinking/writing about film, lit, theory, etc. You're just a nerdlinger as they would say on the Simpson's. It's good. Accept it. Your entry on "point" was neither baroque nor pretentious nor difficult to follow.

that was too many "nor's". oh well.

I'm frankly glad that there are other peeps out in the world who spend free, non-officially-academic moments being too wordy, analytical, etc. maybe you just like to think. that CAN be bad, but not in moderation.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: February 21st, 2005 06:10 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: nerdlinger

Thanks for the kind words. You really seem to understand what I was only half-formulating, which is that I frequently spend too much time pretending that I'm not what I really am. Whatever else I want to claim about myself, I can't deny that I like to think a hell of a lot. I should really try to make like Aragorn in LOTR, who, when confronted by the injunction, "Become who you were born to be," refuses to refuse its call.
elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: February 21st, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Perhaps there's something in the air between us I wanted to write when I woke up at 5 in the morning after trying to hide from the intimations of freakery by falling asleep at 10:30. Lights still on into morning.

I'm in no headspace for writing more coherently of bridges now but I feel you here. That's something.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: February 21st, 2005 01:35 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Yes, yes. Does the full moon still make people shine in the rain? I think you need a cloudy LJ icon.
elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: February 21st, 2005 01:55 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I thought about that last night when the clear sky icon made me sort of depressed. But I just closed the program, thought I didn't have any cloudy ones. But then I found this foggy one from my brother's trip out last year--close enough!

I made Jeff go on pigrimages to find jacaranda trees as well, just for his personal education in their wonder. I'm off to a coffee house, where I'll commence thinking of jacaranda trees to come. While trying to grade, of course.
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