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Situation normal, all. . . - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Situation normal, all. . .
We're entering the delightful part of the spring here. Unfortunately, that delight is increasingly tempered by the distress of out-of-control allergies. It seems that the longer I'm in a place, the more I'm affected by pollen and such. This year it rained a lot. That means that there will be more flowers, more beauty, and more days when I have no choice but to take antihistamines. The problem is that they make me really spaced out at first and then, when they are wearing off, easily irritated. I recognize why I'm feeling and acting different. My partner of fifteen plus years recognizes it too. Yet that recognition does nothing to improve communication between us. On the contrary, there seem to be fewer allowances for artificially induced behavior every year. Needless to say, I find the whole situation intensely frustrating.

Mode: ploughed under
Muse: Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order - Substance 1987 (Disc 1)

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Comments
From: jodi3425 Date: February 26th, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

envy

i'm envious--not just because it has snowed every day for two months (i might be lying here but it's truth in the mode of a lie) but because you have been together 15 years. and it's so amazing, especially through the everyday irritants (of nasal passages and otherwise). it's like you can live with the real of the other person.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: February 26th, 2005 08:22 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: envy

Yes, I know. I do appreciate what we have more than anything. But it can be hard to live with the "real." I wonder how many couples break up because, no matter how long they've been together, they've finally decided to fall back on fantasy instead of reminding themselves of its shortcomings. I realize that's not a very kosher way of putting things from a psychanalytic standpoint, but it's a distinction I feel.

For what it's worth, we had an argument this morning, after being short with each other, but have now moved on to the phase in which we try to prevent a worse argument from happening. I'm hoping not to fuck up. I'm telling myself not to. Whether I'll succeed or not, however, is unclear. Those drugs shorten my fuse a great deal.
From: jodi3425 Date: February 27th, 2005 12:56 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: envy

actually, the idea of giving up the symbolic order of marriage, ruptured by the real, for a fantasy makes a lot of sense (and i can say this from experience more than theory....) my aunt, whose been married around 35 years, said the first 30 were the hardest... that's a rare sort of patience/endurance
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: February 27th, 2005 01:16 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: envy

To quote Shakespeare, "There's the rub." It always makes sense to give up an order ruptured by the real for a fantasy, heroin being perhaps the purest example.
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