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Divergence and Dessication - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
Divergence and Dessication
I'm simultaneously energized and depleted. That sense I've had in recent months that I had lost access to the safety of my middle ground has only grown stronger. And I'm wondering whether I first perceived that state of affairs in the thrall of a premonition. Did I feel this coming?

Now that it's definitely here, I find myself wondering how to proceed. Sublimation might be a good idea. But I've forsworn that approach in favor of openness. What that means, I suppose, is that I'm going to have to find a way to propel everything in the same direction. Life can be the provocation for theorizing. Theory can be my manual for living.

It wouldn't be the first time I've been in that space. The last time I was extraordinarily productive and had a lot of fun along the way. Maybe I'll manage to repeat that trajectory. The problem this time around is that I lack the means of releasing stress that I deployed fifteen years ago. I also don't see myself having a four-day "weekend" these days.

For now, all I can do is pay attention to the present, like those Americanized guides to Zen advise. Yesterday my mind was wafting exuberantly in the winds of change. Today I feel dried out, as if I were being tossed about like that bag in American Beauty, mindless and inert. Eventually the wind gives you chapped lips, no matter how mind-blowing it seemed at first.

Mode: crumpled
Muse: anything by Joy Division, preferably on auto-repeat

2 comments or Leave a comment
From: (Anonymous) Date: May 12th, 2005 06:46 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
What's wrong with chapped lips?... the blood can make you feel alive, no? Like a punch to the kidney...

Always down for a "four dayer" -- CG
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 12th, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I guess, but a little humidity would be nice... I realize this morning that part of my feeling was just terrible allergies on the upswing.
2 comments or Leave a comment