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De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
Words and Deeds
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tpratt From: tpratt Date: May 20th, 2005 05:37 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Now this is an interesting subject. Speaking as someone who has been all too blissfully unaware while a supposedly loyal significant other was treading the tightwire of flirtation with cyberspace chums, I think words are incredibly powerful. I also think that intent speaks for itself. If you go to Dolores Park to cop a dime bag of seedy, crapass mota, end up skulking around for half an hour without any luck, then get hassled by the Man, how indignant can you really get about being accused of doing exactly what you were doing? Wow, that's a shitty example.
Anyway, I consider it disingenuous and coy to try and bury the reality of one's intent under semantic piles. Sure, you're not having sex. You're just gargling nut butter. Sure, you're not cheating. You just masturbate on the phone while someone who isn't your spouse is grunting in your earhole. After all, it hurts so much less when you've been cuckolded without any actual dick in vagina having taken place, no?
Seriously, though, flirtation surely has been around for millenia. So has adultery. I don't think either thing is really a problem, as long as everyone involved knows that's how things are going to be. Strangely enough, in my experience, not everyone ends up on the same page, so to speak. I'm sure I'm just another ersatz Puritan who is annoyed that people can have their cake and eat it too in the sense of having every sort of non-physically-consumated affair with others, then coming home to ol' Reliable. If it works for them, fine. I've been on the ass-end of that pecking order, though, and I decided years ago that if I were to do that kind of shit to my wife I might just as well sack up and do it to completion - or, of course, not even get started with said shit at all. So to speak.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 20th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Yeah, there's that too. If the words are already causing injury, why not turn them into deeds that go beyond words? There's logic to that line of reasoning. The problem is that logic falls so far short of its mark in dissecting this topic, because logical arguments can be formulated for any number of positions. One thing I agree with wholeheartedly is that there is a clear distinction between what's done in secrecy and what's done in the open. On other other end, having been on the "ass end" of a one-sided open relationship with someone you once _________, where everything was made public but it still often hurt, I also recognize that honesty is never going to be enough by itself. I've been using the word "asymmetry" a lot of late. I think that, while the perception of symmetry almost invariably depends on "illusionment," it's a good goal to aspire towards. The bigger differential in relationship matters, the harder it is to bridge the gap.
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