?

Log in

No account? Create an account
ENTRIES FRIENDS CALENDAR INFO PREVIOUS PREVIOUS NEXT NEXT
Before Blogging - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Before Blogging
The entry I just wrote on Waking Life reminded me of a time when almost no one had the slightest idea what I was thinking about. It felt strange to perceive so much distance between the overexposed "me" in front of you right now and the underexposed "me" that was sitting at the Catalina in January, 2002 surreptitiously recording the dialogue to the film so that I could quote it properly in the paper I was going to give in Albuquerque the following month. And that got me thinking of that solo drive to New Mexico and back, when I experienced a much needed flash of freedom in what were extremely claustrophobic times for me, both politically and personally. Back then, I was wondering how I would share my experiences and with whom. Now I have an audience, however limited, and have a hard time recalling the relatively recent time when I had no outlet for my random reflections. Am I better off now? Is it even possible to pose that question? Entering the world of Live Journal was like finding a way to use a part of my brain that had lain dormant my entire life. Yet now I sometimes I get the feeling that the parts of my brain that were working before that fateful day at the end of August, 2003 have been shut off themselves. Once you've lost your innocence, though, there's no going back. And pretending you can borders on the pathological.
2 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: August 4th, 2005 11:06 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
That first moment looking back at yourself looking--mirror or no--seems post-innocence indeed.

And LJ gives a date that's functionally first but isn't all. I love it for the way desire for what it affords most likely has to have been present well before first doing of the deed. And then--at some points you wake up inside your life not able to tell desire for from what the space draws out of you. A wonder.

And yes, I mean I when I say you much of the time, above, but pronouns are most slippery things indeed--
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: August 4th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
In the words of The Who's Tommy, "Go to the mirror."
2 comments or Leave a comment