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De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
Sealed Against Seeping
Watching Star Wars, Episode VI: Return of the Jedi a few weeks ago, Skylar fixated on the scene where Luke and Leia compare their memories of their mother. She spent days trying to remember as far back as she could in her own life. And for the first time the "wall" that drops between us and our early experiences became fully manifest. She was frustrated at not being able to remember much before she turned three. But one thing she did recall with perfect clarity was the moment during our first Christmas in Tucson when our twenty-year-old cat Tibbs got shiny holiday "confetti" in her fur, making Bean laugh and laugh and laugh.

That's a good first memory to have, even if it is tinged with sadness. La bête grise stayed around long enough to shepherd us through the transition from California to Arizona. Tibbs still lingers in her favorite sofa and ottoman, in the stories we tell Skylar about her antics, and in a few remaining Christmas tree silhouettes that pop up now and then to remind us where we came from.
4 comments or Leave a comment
elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: August 5th, 2005 09:27 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I can't believe in all the tales of joy in Skylar-sitting I may have forgotten to have mentioned how we went from taking pictures to a long look at that photo board in Skylar's workshop. Your darling girl, she floored me. Tibbs she tried to tell me of with this sweet talk around that is a mode I know quite well. She told me how much it was hard to tell me, how I wasn't there and how she was just barely long enough and how part of her being there was just a little like a story. God how it killed me and I told her that she didn't have to press the point, that it was alright and I understood when things were hard, that I had hard things pressing on me too... And then she looked at me, I mean she really looked at me. And I thought oh my god how much she loves.
kdotdammit From: kdotdammit Date: August 5th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Tibbs. This made me cry. I LOVE Tibbs. I MISS Tibbs. Tibbs. Tibbs. The Gray Beast. I wish she was here.
From: e4q Date: August 6th, 2005 10:42 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
i really like the evidence bag with the tiny tree glitter. it has a sadness all of it's own, but also an element of care - archival, whiff of the coroners, and implications of preservation through a link with food. cats are hard to grieve/memorialise as they don't have quite the public life that dogs do.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: August 6th, 2005 06:27 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
"Evidence bag" -- I like that! I am a bit of a plastic-bag freak. But in this case my desire to encase is justified insofar as the tiny confetti tree would otherwise be lost. We still have the same answering machine message we had when we moved in to this house in October, 2000. "Leave a message for K, C, S or Tibbs." We may never change it.
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