How about this for a fun update on one of the most threadbare metaphors in the English language: "He's not the brightest bonfire in the Black Forest." Picturing the scene makes me get hot for Heidegger. If only he had been a little less self-important and a little more Cosmopolitan. If only he hadn't been so turned on by the prospect of bonfires in the Black Forest. If only he hadn't succumbed to the same Germanic fantasies that keep me running as fast as I can from a fixed sense of my heritage. If only he had been me.