I reached a conclusion over the past week. Despite years of being frustrated with Bad Subjects, not to mention the far greater frustration I caused everybody else involved with the project, it remains the place where I feel most at home as a writer. As an experiment today, I finished a review of the new Matmos album that I'd been working on for the past two weeks and decided to see whether I could finally manage to post something to the website.

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I have a technology curse. I'm no expert on computers, but understand a great deal more than people who have no trouble at all doing things I can't. Since moving to Tucson, this curse has manifested itself first and foremost in my dealings with Bad Subjects. I've wasted hundreds of hours of labor on tasks, only to watch them disappear into the void in spite of my care in backing them up. And even simple things, like getting the website to load and then staying logged in have proven close to impossible.

Today, though, if only for the briefest of interludes, my luck changed. I was able to publish the review, graphics and all, and then modify the home page to feature a link to it. I'm happy with the way everything looks and even happier with the way the writing turned out. Most importantly, I feel like the massive stone that was holding my self-confidence prisoner since shortly after moving to Tucson has been dislodged. Clearly, something in me still needs Bad Subjects to be a part of my life. I'm amazed at the depth of my transformation in the past twelve hours. Suddenly, I'm free again.

Tags: autobiography, bad subjects, music
Mode: sunny side up
Muse: Satie (Remix) [Herbert's Walk Free Mix] - Soft Pink Truth - Acting Crazy - EP