Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch

1001 Nights of Memery

Thanks to chefxh for hipping me to the longest meme I've ever done. The ability to add parenthetical comments won me over.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now.  (More than one person.) I don't watch much TV these days.  (It's too confusing and we don't pay for the package with HBO. I do watch sports.) I own lots of books.  (About 15,000 pounds worth.)
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Some day soon, perhaps, but not yet. I know very few people who do as much reading as I do who lack them.) × I love to play video games(I had periods in the 1980s, but haven't done it much since.) × I've tried marijuana(The Feds insist it does nothing to stimulate the appetite, so I'll pass.)
I've watched porn movies.  (In a German theater with a wheat beer in hand and my host brother smoking next to me) × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (Fixated, yes. But not really full-blown "psycho.") I believe honesty is usually the best policy.  (Now I do. I didn't always.)
I curse sometimes.  (But not around my daughter.) I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (It has been a trying year, but I think I've come out of it more sure of what I need and what I don't.) × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.  (I've never carried one.)
* * * * *
I have broken someone's bones.  (Well, our cat's leg. We treat him like a someone.) I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.  (Who doesn't?) × I hate the rain(You can't hate the rain living in a desert unless you're a fool. We have a lot of fools here. Me, I love the rain.)
× I'm paranoid at times.  (I have moments of doubt, but not full-blown paranoia.) × I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.  (I'm all about authenticity on that front.) × I need/want money right now.  (Who doesn't?)
× I love sushi(I like what I've had. I wish I liked it more.) I talk really, really fast.  (Frequently. And I've been accused of mumbling too.) × I have fresh breath in the morning.  (Who does?)
× I have long hair(I once did. Now I'm nearly bald.) × I have lost money in Las Vegas.  (I have no desire to gamble in that context.) × I have at least one sibling(Sister, four years younger. She's successful at all the things that vex me.)
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.  (Easton, Pennsylvania.) × I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.  (Say what?) × I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.  (What a dumb question.)
× I like the way that I look.  (Not really, but I don't hate it either.) × I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.  (White lies, perhaps. But not to a good friend.) × I am usually pessimistic(Interestingly, I'm not.)
I have a lot of mood swings.  (Most people I know probably wouldn't characterize me that way, but I'm very tempestuous at bottom.) I think prostitution should be legalized.  (It seems to work better that way. If nothing else, state-supervised commerce puts on a damper on the thrill.) × I slept with a roommate(Not unless they're counting living together, in which case I have.)
I have a hidden talent.  (I can use an eraser as an Allen wrench.) × I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. I have a lot of friends.  (I'm into having friendly aquaintances. Close friends are rare for me.)
I have pecked someone of the same sex.  (I'm not sure what I'm copping to, but why not?) × I enjoy talking on the phone.   (I used to like it better.) × I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.  (Do boxer briefs count?)
× I love to shop and/or window shop("Love" is too strong a word. I don't mind it that much.) × I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal(I do it everyday. I'm not sure that constitutes an obsession.) × I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother(Mother-in-law?)
I have a mobile phone.  (Who doesn't?) × I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.  (The last time was in 1987. There were only two times. Both were in Germany.) × I've rejected someone before.  (Not in a relationship way.)
I currently like/love someone.  (Who doesn't? I like/love lots of people.) I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.  (Enough said.) × I want to have children in the future.  (I have the one I'm having.)
I have changed a diaper before.  (Every day for over three years.) × I've called the cops on a friend before.  (I don't operate that way.) I'm not allergic to anything.  (I'm allergic to most things.)
I have a lot to learn.  (Who doesn't?) × I am shy around the opposite sex.  (Not really. Perhaps where the possibility of sex is in play. Women are easier for me to be around.) × I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.  (What definition of presence is that?)
× I have at least 5 away messages saved.  (Does not compute.) × I have tried alcohol or drugs before.  (I want to ask, "Who hasn't?") × I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.  (I haven't ever made a move that wasn't invited first.)
× I own the "South Park" movie.  (No, interestingly.) × I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal(Not really.) I enjoy some country music.  (Older stuff and alternative country.)
I would die for my best friends.  (I'd die for all sorts of people.) I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.  (And it slows me down.) × I have used my sexuality to advance my career.  (If I lost twenty pounds, shaved my head, and started practicing Zinedine Zidane facial expressions, I could aspire to do that. I wouldn't mind.)
× I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.  (I think Halloween is awesome period. Especially at Hogwarts. And our house.) × I have dated a close friend's ex(I haven't dated much. I'm not even sure what a date is, to be honest. I mean, what counts. Heavy petting also baffles me.) I am happy at this moment.  (Mildly.)
× I'm obsessed with guys("It's the only way, 'cause you and I know we're going to die some day. . .") Democrat.  (I'm a realist.) × Republican(I will never vote for a Republican.)
I don't even know what I am.  (That has always been the case.) × I am punk rockish.  (Despite my reputation, I'm about as "punk" as Karen Carpenter. Wait. She's about as "punk" as Joe Strummer. I'm confused.) I go for older guys/girls, not younger.  (Generally. Age matters little to me. It's the personality that counts. And shoulders. And eyes. And lips. And. . .)
× I study for tests most of the time.  (I never studied for tests.) I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.  (I tie them wrong. That much I know.) × I can work on a car(Given the right manual and five years to practice, I might be able to answer this question with a tentative "Yes.")
× I love my job(s)("Love" is too strong a word.) × I am comfortable with who I am right now.  (Because I don't know what I am.) I have more than just my ears pierced.  (Nietzsche penetrated my frontal lobe.)
× I walk barefoot wherever I can.  (In Tucson? That would be like drinking the hemlock.) × I have jumped off a bridge(Is this a metaphor?) I love sea turtles.  (I love all turtles.)
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.  (Isn't it obvious?) × I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.  (I have no plans for the future.) × I am proficient on a musical instrument(It would be nice. It won't happen, though.)
× I hate office jobs(I enjoy the banter, actually.) × I went to college out of state.  (You know it. You know the story. Tell the whole damned world this is Bear Territory.) × I am adopted(A common fantasy I never had.)
× I am a pyro.   (I lit my first match at nineteen.) × I have thrown up from crying too much.  (I count the number of times I've cried for real -- as opposed to from a tearjerking movie -- on one hand.) I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.  (Who hasn't?)
× I fall for the worst people.  (I do have a tendency to gravitate to people who are like oil on my water.) I adore bright colours.  (Emil Nolde watercolors do me right.) × I usually like covers better than originals.   (I usually prefer the Ur-spring.)
I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.  (I did watch the England-Sweden match at an Applebees. The bartender hit on me.) I can pick up things with my toes.  (Indeed, one of my rare skills.) × I can't whistle(Not enough to count.)
I have ridden/owned a horse.  (Isn't there a big difference between having ridden and having owned?) I still have every journal I've ever written in.  (I have almost everything I've ever written in.) × I talk in my sleep.  (Not usually.)
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century(I would like to have been twenty in 1922.) × I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.  (Like life.) × I wear a toe ring(Jenny and the Ess Dog.)
× I have a tattoo(I never had the urge.) × I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.  (I'm not sure this sentence parses.) × I am a caffeine junkie.  (I do like coffee.)
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.  (I'm ashamed that I'm not.) × If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder(I try to save most bugs from squashing.) I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.  (Come see my files sometime. They're seductively expansive.)
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.  (I wish I could.) × I'm an artist(Well, if writing is an art, maybe I am, but I won't call myself one.) × I am ambidextrous(I'm ambiguous.)
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.  (We have so many stuffed animals we can barely fit in our house.) × If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony(What a stupid question.) × I have terrible teeth(Not many cavities.)
× I hate my toes(Did Frodo Baggins?) × I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.  (I like how big it is.) I have more friends on the internet than in real life.  (Easily.)
I have lived in either three different states or countries.  (States, countries -- what's the difference?) × I am extremely flexible(I'm a Taurus.) × I love hugs more than kisses(Cut to the chase.)
× I want to own my own business(Maybe I should.) × I smoke(I can't with these lungs. At least not regularly) × I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.  (I'm on a lot, but not too much.)
× Nobody has ever said I'm normal(Sadly, they have.) Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.  (Or happy ones. Just one tear, though.) × I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.  (I bet I would be a good shot, though.)
I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.  (Marlene Dietrich.) I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.  (I'm the Bill Clinton of my family.) × I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.  (Since I have no plans for the future, that would be unlikely.)
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.  (I once had that fantasy as a pre-teen.) × I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.  (I was persuaded to go see a counselor once. She yelled at me. I wasn't into it anyway.) × I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.  (Maybe in the sense of the trauma of history.)
× I can't stand being alone(I'm getting better at it.) × I have at least one obsession at any given time.  ("Obsession" is an exaggeration. But a preoccupation, yes.) × I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.  ("Ew, gross!")
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.  (I do like to get what interests me as soon as I can, but I show restraint.) × I'm a judgmental asshole(Definitely not.) × I'm a HUGE drama-queen(No, though I'm drawn to people who are.)
I have travelled on more than one continent.  (Two, so far.) × I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.  (Never.) I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.  (I need more than that. It takes a lot to convince me.)
× I am a Libertarian(Too much of a Lefty.) I can speak more than one language.  (German, English.) × I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.  (Not usually.)
I would rather read than watch TV.  (Most of the time. If my eyes are tired, television is preferred.) I like reading fact more than fiction.  (Tough call, but I think I generally prefer non-fiction.) I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.  (In tenth grade, even.)
× I have no piercings(Didn't we already deal with this question?) I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.  (In Germany. On a train and in a station both.) × I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.  (No.)
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.  (What sort of scenario is this? I mean, if one parent has you, you're not alone.) × There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.  (Never.) × I like most animals better than most people.  (I like cats. I like people.)
× I own a collection of retro games consoles(Not high on my list.) × The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.  (I loved playing basketball.) × I have hit someone with a dead fish(This takes the cake.)
× I am compulsively honest(No, thankfully.) × I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.  (Germanness?) × I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.  (When I'm thinner, I'll consider it.)
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex(I've never once felt like a girl, even though I prefer female friends.) × I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.  (I'm ashamed to be so hetero.) × I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.  (Hard to believe.)
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.  (No, but I can sleep to jazz or classical.) × I dislike milk(I love milk.) × I obsessively wash my hands.  (I did that for a little while when I was six or seven.)
I always carry something significant around with me.  (My iPod Shuffle, if nothing else.) × Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.  (::laughing::) I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.  (I'm a self-awerewolf.)
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother(See above.) × I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.  (I didn't know I could. But I normally hand write , , and "a href=" "></a>) I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.  (I can deal with the cutting edge.)
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.  (I spent my first day on earthi in the ICU.) × Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.  (Hardly.) × I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.  (I wish.)
I do not 'get' most comedy acts.  (Because they're not funny.) I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.  (Who the hell is supposed to do this meme?) × I don't like to chew gum(Trident cinnamon.)
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.  (The former, but not the latter. I'd go, though.) × I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car(I usually remember.) I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.  (Who hasn't?)
I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.  (Of course.) × I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.  (Seventh grade. I liked it a lot though. Our Dungeon Master moved away.) I love to sing.  (I actually do sing a lot around the house.)
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.  (And wear her clothes.) × I have a custom-built computer(Apple all the way.) I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.  (I knew I shouldn't have had that operation. . .)
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.  (My friend Eric would love this question.) × I've gone skinny-dipping(Never had the chance.) × I've performed in three plays(I was in one in sixth grade.)
× I enjoy burritos(Not really.) × I'm Irish and loving it.  (I do like people of Irish descent.) I have a thing for redheads.  (As it turns out, yes. Luckily, the person I live with is a redhead these days.)
× I am a twin(I have a Doppelgängner!) Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.  (You know it.) × Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.  (I do return to unfinished projects eventually.)
× I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.  (Actually, I'm too devoted to history to do that.) × I sleep more than 12 hours a day.  (Not since freshman year.) I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.  (Obviously.)
I need more time to myself.  (Definitely.) × I wish I was more open-minded(I'm pretty open-minded.) × I hope that I go really prematurely grey.  (I hope I grow back some hair.)
I download songs from the internet.  (Legally. I keep thinking this is some hybrid of the Scientologists' endless questionnaire and a law enforcement surveillance device.) × I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.  (I'm baffled.) I say random things to freak people out.  (Or at least rile them up.)
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note(Two questions? I must be out of touch.) × I love playing Truth or Dare(I have only done it rarely.) × I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.  (I'll sing along to any Christmas carol.)
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.  (But I listen to it when I'm alone. Hmmm.) Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.  (That's true of basketball for me.) I think this survey is particularly long.  (But pleasingly detailed.)
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.  (Is there a difference?) I can only hate someone that I love.  (Temporarily.) × I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks(What a question to end on.)
Tags: autobiography, humor, meme

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