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Restricted Flow - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Restricted Flow
As I tried to fall asleep last night after hours of staring at my laptop in the hotel lobby, my head was filled with things I want to write about. The less time I have for writing, the more I want to do it. But I recognize that most of the topics that flit through my mind are not ones that would be interesting to others without modification. I mean, who really cares that I resisted the impulse to turn off on 450 in order to stop at the mall where my favorite pizza-by-the-slice restaurant used to be and, I hope, still is? Although I like reading about other people's fixations, I am far less confident that they will be interested in reading about mine. So I end up suppressing most of my inspirations and writing the ones I do follow in such a way that they end up more ironic and less true to myself. Part of that has to do with the public nature of my presence on LJ. I don't have many readers, but enough who have some connection to my professional life that I have to think hard before putting something out there. I'll have more to say about that when I get back to Tucson. Right now I have to get ready for our last day in D.C., during which a wealth of other ideas will surely course through my head on their way to an untimely death.

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Current Location: 21202

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Comments
jakemacalister From: jakemacalister Date: July 19th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
C~

Many of us lead double blogging lifes . . . one for private and one for public. Very Renaissance. And then there are the double agents that spill all of your secrets . . .

Jake aka _____________
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:06 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I've thought of doing that, but it just feels wrong to me. My whole reason for starting this LJ was to try to do something whole. But it's getting harder to sustain that dream.
jakemacalister From: jakemacalister Date: July 24th, 2006 12:47 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I feel that way as well but where I work is all about not revealing: "don't ask/don't tell." I was hoping to get funded for grad school and stop this double life/pseudonym because I am an honest person who would "friend" what was personal. Side note: my friend is using LJ in her English Class this year because it helps the writer figure out what is public, private, etc. What to share or what not to share, that is the question. One second thought the question is: did I go back and "friend/private" that comment?
schencka From: schencka Date: July 19th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

fixations

Isn't it the fixation-ness that interests one, whether observing others' fixations or one's own? The subject matter fades away for me, while the verve and style with which one investigates the subject remains.

No one cares what the fetish is; it's just amazing and dangerous that one has a fetish.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: fixations

That's how I tend to think about these things. I'm certainly interested in the fixations of the bloggers I read regularly. But there are only so many fetishes I can cop to in this increasingly public setting!
nondescriptgirl From: nondescriptgirl Date: July 19th, 2006 05:37 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Me too.

"The less time I have for writing" - I, myself, have plenty of time, at least in the summer, but ... "I am far less confident that they will be interested" is a huge problem for me as well. In fact, I'd say that only about 25% of all the ideas in my head ever make it to my journal update box because I just don't think anyone would be interested. And when I do post, and the entries are not interesting , it's only the knowledge that I have but five friends that lets me post at all. "I don't have many readers" - now this is total B.S. You have a ton. I used to read your journal long before you even knew I existed. I don't know if saying that helps or hurts the situation. But based on the amount of material that you do post and the comments that you receive, you have nothing to worry about.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: Me too.

Thanks. That does help. Looking back on what i wrote -- I'm catching up on comments from when I was away and had little computer time -- I'm struck by how much more stream-of-consciousness it was than what I normally put up. I filter a lot more when I have time to filter. It's hard being an educator, too, because I don't want to write things that distort the teacher-student relationship too much. Some distortion is inevitable, but I feel the need to limit it.
amackey84 From: amackey84 Date: July 19th, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I say let freedom ring! As the editors of the Washington Post used to say, "Print and be damned." Although I guess it'd be "Post and be damned."
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
You know as well as anyone on my "Friends" list the pressures that come with having a public profile. I love the sentiment. But we still have to reign in the urge to purge. Mind you, I'd just come off the experience of being interviewed for that blogging story, so I was especially attuned to the problem of exposure.
amackey84 From: amackey84 Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Within seconds of posting I realized how utterly incongruous I sounded, seeing as I have a self-censor on so many subjects. It's definitely made finding anything worthwhile (from my perspective) and readable (from my few "friends") difficult. Here's hoping for the ideal.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:33 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I mean, I try. My arrogant wish for the indirection I often have to deploy is that, just as the threat of censorship or worse led to ingenius artistic solutions during the Samizdat-era of Eastern Bloc publishing, the need to tell the truth but tell it slant that I feel in the blogosphere may actually end up making me write better things than if I could just confess freely.
elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: July 19th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I say BRING ON THE FOOD PORN. I want to know about the pizza place and I'll trade you a late night DC passing of a restaurant I never ate at but remember more vividly than many things about my 4 days in DC--"REAL THAI FOOD" in a flash of purple purple is hard to forget.

But actually, I've been having a bit of an identity crisis myself. Trying to get The Gaze up and running with V and E. Hating blogger. Only half-wanting to try it through an lj-community. Contemplating a move to wordpress. Confused about what "professional" means. Confused if I can still smash syntax to hell if I call it a film review. Etc.

Glad I seem to be in good company...
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Congratulations on The Gaze. Typepad works pretty well for the bloggers I know.

Oh, and I'll try to sate your need for food porn soon!

elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: July 23rd, 2006 05:59 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Thanks--we're excited. Blogger it is for now, but we'll be sure to keep everyone posted. I'll check out Typepad. I should have remembered that one from some of your other posts.
gpratt From: gpratt Date: July 20th, 2006 03:04 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Let it loose

Please.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: Let it loose

OK!
xmoonbunnyx From: xmoonbunnyx Date: July 20th, 2006 08:00 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

UA

"I don't have many readers, but enough who have some connection to my professional life that I have to think hard before putting something out there."

Does this have to do with Deborah Frisch's resignation at the UA because of her posting in Jeff Goldstein's blog?

This whole blog phenomena is weird to me. I supposed I've kept one for a long time now (at diaryland and livejournal), but I don't really see it as a public forum per se. I'm not writing to engage others. It's just an electronic diary -- one that the public can access. When we talk about blogs, it seems like we're talking about a public forum for sharing news and opinions... at least, that's the impression I got from Dr. Kemper's class this summer.

I'm curious as to your thoughts.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 22nd, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: UA

Nice to hear from you! And I'm sorry about the delayed response. It's hard to keep up with comments when one is traveling.

When I started my LJ in 2003, I certainly felt it was like a diary that others might happen to read. But, as my readership has grown into the dozens, including students and faculty in my department, I've had to acknowledge that what I confess may have concrete ramifications in my professional life. I didn't want to, but I had to.

I'd already done so long before being interviewed for that story on the Deb Frisch blogging incident, mind you. But having just been tangentially caught up in that did serve to inspire my entry.

Anyway, nice to see you here. Would you be averse to being befriended?
xmoonbunnyx From: xmoonbunnyx Date: July 22nd, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: UA

That makes a lot of sense. Sometimes I think that if my family and friends were smart enough to type my nickname, MoonBunny, into google, they'd find pretty much all of my thoughts. I don't know if any have bothered to, though, which is probably a good thing. Haha*

I wouldn't be averse to being befriended. ;)
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 20th, 2006 01:13 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Hi

Hey Charlie,
I would have loved to see you in DC, I am still around and know the city a little better now. Miss ya, JZ
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 20th, 2006 06:55 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: Hi

I'm in Dallas, alas. We were there during the day, but back in Baltimore at night. Except for the night we went to my parents' place in Maryland.
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