Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch

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Hopes and Fears

kdotdammit nicely covers the highlights of our day from a parental standpoint.

I did drive down to meet her at the River and Campbell Starbucks this morning -- even though I'm taking a break from coffee! -- to hand off the two My Little Pony movies we rented from Casa so that Susan could do her deeply appreciated thing. And then, since I was down there already, I went to the horribly depressing Wal-Mart on Wetmore in order to buy batteries for the twinkle star and a copy of The Wizard of Oz on DVD, since the one we rented was due back at Blockbuster. I should get a few stars myself for that latter task. Who knew that so many people, from 15 to 75, could all be on bad speed at the same time?

Dealing with Skylar's anxieties before the Manzanita Open House, it was hard not to smile at her obstinacy. Holding her hand over the seat belt so that Kim couldn't unbuckle her, grabbing onto the door panel, saying that she was "just going to stay in the car" -- pretty adorable, all in all, despite being emotionally taxing.

After the orientation, when the parents were led back to their children and we found Skylar happy as could be on the kindergarten playground, I realized how much her mode of fearfulness overlaps with mine.

I've always resisted doing new things out of fear. But when I finally get pushed enough to undertake them, I almost always feel right at home within minutes.

That applies to writing too, naturally. tommix and elizabeg's recent comments on the subject had me thinking about my relation to the process. I have such a hard time getting momentum. But once I have it, I'm hard to stop.

The difference between writing and, say, riding a bicycle is that, whereas the mastery of the latter activity "sticks" for most of your life, writing demands that you make new beginnings over and over.

But why should that inspire so much fear? If you've done it before, you should be optimistic about your ability to do it again, no?

I suppose the fear is that you won't be able to manage the next time, that the bicycle will keel over.

I better remind myself of the contrast between Skylar's mood before today's Open House and after it was over. It's fun to be new.
Tags: autobiography, daughter, everyday

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