Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch


I'm excited to learn that, despite the huge cutbacks in basic scientific research under the Bush Administration, dedicated seekers of knowledge are still achieving breakthroughs. Robert Bohannon, for example, has come up with something that will serve men like me as the anti-viagra, thereby advancing the cause of world peace:
That cup of coffee just not getting it done anymore? How about a Buzz Donut or a Buzzed Bagel? That's what Doctor Robert Bohannon, a Durham, North Carolina, molecular scientist, has come up with. Bohannon says he's developed a way to add caffeine to baked goods, without the bitter taste of caffeine. Each piece of pastry is the equivalent of about two cups of coffee.
One bite of a power doughnut and I'll have as much interest in sex as a neutered sloth. Think of all that I could accomplish in the time that otherwise might be wasted on fantasies in which Neko Case performs the role of Ariel in an underwater New Pornographers video.
Tags: autobiography, humor, news, stranger than fiction

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