Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch
cbertsch

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Intensions

Shortly before the start of the Iraq war, my Fundamentalist neighbor forwarded me a message full of patriotic graphics - from which the image here is drawn -- that contained this inspirational language:
PRAY BEFORE IT STARTS
A torch has been lit today to be passed along to your e-mail friends...asking them to pass it along....and along....and along. We can do something about the threat of war; both in Iraq and with terrorists. In the Old Testament, God's armies were always led by the priests. When the waters parted in the Jordan, it was the priests' feet which first hit the turbulent river. In the New Testament, Christians are also referred to as priests...all Christians.

We must, therefore, go in first.

One Nation Under God

As the possibility of war approaches with Hussein and Iraq, we are asking the priests to step in first.....ahead of our military. Let us be setting up camp for our soldiers' entrance into the conflict. How? By prayer.

Let us be sending in "prayer missiles," "cruise and scud prayers" to target enemy plans. "Patriot prayers" to shoot down incoming threats.

We should be praying for two things: (1) that the enemy leaders become confused, disoriented, and distrustful of each other; that their entire system of attack fall apart, and (2) that in God's wildest ways, these enemies would become aware of His deep love for them and the war Jesus has already fought for them, personally, on the cross.
God had Gideon reduce his army from 32,000 to 300 men. He then equipped them with nothing but trumpets, pitchers, and torches. What an odd combination to fight off well-armed soldiers. When Gideon gave the command, the Bible says the enemy fled crying and turned on each other...all because God messed with enemy plans.

I often refer to this "prayer missile" message in discussing the pressures of living in my neighborhood.

More recently, my neighbor forwarded me a message about a college professor, presumably because he knows I am a college professor:
Morning Charley, Were you in the marine corp?

[NAME DELETED]

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent me."
After I received this message, kdotdammit insisted that my neighbor must be deliberately screwing with me. I wasn't so sure. And subsequent messages suggested that he might actually have believed that I would approve of the story about the Marine.

Either my neighbor is extraordinarily cagey or extraordinarily dense.

Now that Kim has blown my cover, though, I doubt whether there will be any more doubt about his intentions.
Tags: neighbors, politics, religion, tucson
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