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Shopping With Scarface - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
Shopping With Scarface
I'm driving over to Trader Joe's this evening, navigating the recently desurfaced stretch of Magee east of Oracle, when I notice a car come up rather quickly behind me. On my ass, you might say. But I'm feeling too relaxed to get annoyed and turn into the plaza, this same vehicle behind me. And then, as I slow down to go over the first speed bump in the plaza, the car passes me and zooms ahead, oblivious to the people in front of Trader Joe's waiting to cross the street. So I follow the car -- it's a late-model white BMW -- and park next to it. The driver turns out to have a bit of an Al Pacino-in-Scarface look about him, so I hesitate to call him out on his ridiculous driving. I do walk behind him, though, and, when I see that he's meeting a couple to go shopping, finally see the chance to make a point: "You're speeding through the parking lot to go to Marshall's?" He glares back at me, but I can see the shame rising in the color of his skin. Then, to top it all off, I notice that he's clutching a Marshall's bag in one hand. The man was actually driving 40 MPH through the plaza to make a return.

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Current Location: 85704

33 comments or Leave a comment
flw From: flw Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:54 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)


I love it when you (or you as me imagining myself as you) actually says something!

This is an odd phenomenah. It is a consequence of getting into a mode of behavior without thinking about the causes for the behavior.

For instance: Aggressively seeking the parking place as close as possible to...


... The gym.

Great. Fight to get thirty steps closer to the place where you are about to run on a treadmill for 45 minutes. Thank God you saved yourself those 30 extra steps!

I admire the fact that you actually said something!

In LA, I made it a strange habit to actually say something to people who blasted their boom-boom radios at gas stations. It annoyed the piss out of me! These kids would get out of their car and TURN THEIR STEREO UP so they could "enjoy" their "music" will pumping gas. I said something to 12 guys, and 11 of them got all flush-faced and humiliated and turned their stereos down. I honsetly think that no one ever asked them! They just assumed that this behavior was fine. I think the 12th guy didn't speak English... this being LA after all.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 06:19 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: DO IT!

Of course, there's always the danger of getting one's ass kicked. I try not to think about it too much.

In other news, we should get together sometime for drinks of whatever sort, from water to coffee to beer.
flw From: flw Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:58 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

also rain

oh... and when it is raining, people rush to get into their cars so as to not get wet. But once in their cars, they are often still carrying the feeling of having to rush to get in their car with them, and they start driving extra fast because they have forgotten that their car is NOT THEIR BODY and they don't need to rush in to get out of the rain anymore because they are INSIDE now. The horrible thing is that in the rain is when I see people being most rude to pedestrians. They rush to get around them and cut them off as if to say, "outta my way, buddy, it's raining!" while they are in their cars.

I am not sure if the cause of this is that they are extending their body-concept to include their car, or if their environmental sensors are lagging...
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 06:16 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

Re: also rain

Totally! I've noticed that too, though it's only in light of your comment that the enormity of the madness is apparent to me.

More abstractly, the confusion of car and body is one worth thinking about in greater depth. It's the central conceit of J.G. Ballard's Crash, but he made it so because that confusion is such an integral part of modern life.
chefxh From: chefxh Date: May 22nd, 2007 06:31 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
*laugh out loud*

what perfect scorn!

(your roots are showing.)
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
They're blonde and bourgeois!
mhkrabat From: mhkrabat Date: May 22nd, 2007 12:17 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
It's Scarface's planet; you're just living on it.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Sadly, I fear that you are correct. Although this particular individual is himself merely a dispossessed wannabe Scarface. Sigh.
fermi_daza From: fermi_daza Date: May 22nd, 2007 02:09 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
He was rushing into Marshall's to make the return to get the cash he paid for his discount clothing back in his checking account in time so that his BMW car payment to the bank didn't bounce.

Ugh. OV douches.

I mean the BMW driver. Not you. In case there was some confusion.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:48 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Check? What's a check?

From: ex_benlinus Date: May 22nd, 2007 02:34 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Street Justice - CB Style. Haha.
I come out with some gems in my effort to be shot. "Nice driving, fucktard", "Hey you blind fuck, the rest of us wanna live", and my recent favorite, yesterday I was cut off by a Mustang GT, I was taking a right, so I pulled next to him and he had his window down. "You drive like an asshole".
Course these are all from the car. People need to be held accountable once they're back on foot.
Oh, and on the flip side, when I cut someone off, usually by mistake, and they make eye contact to be mean to me, I immediately put my thumbs to my temples and make wavy deer antlers.

It's a psychological war zone out there.
danthered From: danthered Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I find it highly effective to comment on their childish behaviour with facial expressions and hand gestures while stopped at a stop light. Crossing my arms and sulking with lower lip pushed way out, sticking out my tongue, or giving a big, dramatic, exasperated, eye-rolling sigh, etc. The other day I stopped for a stale yellow light, and the guy in the minivan behind me leaned on his horn and made a bunch of overwrought hand gestures. He was obviously bitching about me to his son(?), who was in the passenger seat. I turned around, gave a big television smile, and waved. This caused even more angry gesticulation, so I adopted a comically exasperated face and began imitating his handwavings and forehead smackings. It provided me with tremendous entertainment for the duration of the red light, and it probably caused his blood pressure to spike. I ignored the cross piously hung from his rearview mirror.
danthered From: danthered Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
"You're speeding through the parking lot to go to Marshall's?"

BUWAAAAhahahahaha! Well said.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:50 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I shop there myself, of course. But I have the excuse that A) it's next to Trader Joe's; and B) that it's three minutes from our house. Still, I worry that I've made myself seem like some sort of Neiman-Marcus snot!
_luaineach From: _luaineach Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Well, that fact that he was ashamed makes me think that it was not something he would chose to do, all things being equal, if he wasn't *compelled* to it. So, given that he was meeting a couple (which for the sake of my story, I am going to assume is male/female), my story is this:

They are a poly triad or V with her at the point and he made the ghastly mistake of buying her a gift from Marshall's which she hated and which, to make matters worse, is exchange only. So now, after weeks of procrastinating, they are finally taking the damn thing back to exchange it for something she wants and HE'S LATE. Lack of punctuality -- particularly causing me to wait -- is one of the first things that gets *our* OSOs the boot.

His 'shamed' glance in your direction was probably accompanied by frantic thoughts of "*yes* I'm speeding to get to Marshalls, and you don't know the half of it dude, I'm speeding to get to fucking Marshalls to exchange a gift that I bought for some other guy's wife and egad wtf am I doing here but man I love her so...."
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 05:45 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
That's beautiful. You made my day. Week, even. . . :-)
amackey84 From: amackey84 Date: May 22nd, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Recently I was cut off by a guy making a U-turn onto Ina. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid him. When I reached a stop light, the guy had changed lanes and was right next to me. My common refrain is to begin clapping and cheering, because, let's face it, this guy could drive! Next thing I know he's spitting into his window what I can only imagine were some of the greatest gems of the English language. It was marvelous.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 22nd, 2007 06:10 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Is is just me or is Tucson a really bad place to drive that's getting worse by the day? I feel safer driving in L.A.

Nice to hear from you, BTW. If you ever want to get a beer or something, let me know. I'm relatively free over the summer after 9pm or so.
hollsterhambone From: hollsterhambone Date: May 23rd, 2007 03:18 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
This is hilarious.

I bet he was making a return for his wife. Or maybe returning his Dockers he bought in too small a size?
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 23rd, 2007 03:45 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Even so, it takes a real idiot to speed his expensive new car over a speed bump. You're back in Jacksonville?
tpratt From: tpratt Date: May 28th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I get a LOT of claims from your neck of the woods at my job. In fact, the only time I ever came close to engaging in some road rage fisticuffs was in Tucson. I made a right turn in front of someone, I think (it was 19 years ago), and they honked and swerved around me, so I flipped him the bird. Turns out he was some justifiably crabby older retired military looking dude who followed me into the parking lot of the video store I was going to with my then-girlfriend and 1 or 2 of her friends. Grandpa came up to the window and started yelling at me and telling me to get out of the car. I looked him straight in the eye and said "I didn't do that." like 3 or 4 times. He got back in his car and left. I never asked the other people in the car with me what they thought about it, but I'm sure they were all awed by the force of my raw machismo.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: May 28th, 2007 02:22 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
It's a terrible place to drive, that's for sure. Personally, I'll take self-preservation over machismo any day.

In other news, we leave today for S.D. to camp where we always do. Send me an e-mail if you have free time. We're going to the zoo one day.
33 comments or Leave a comment