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Actually, It Was February 17th, 1987 - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Actually, It Was February 17th, 1987

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hollsterhambone From: hollsterhambone Date: July 31st, 2007 11:25 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Who is your audience?

And how are you so objective about your interactions with girls? It's truly amazing and wondrous!
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: July 31st, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I remember so much, but I haven't the faintest idea whom I was writing for, if anyone. This was one of my many extremely short-lived attempts to keep a journal. But one of the reasons why I never persisted in journal-keeping, even in my teens, is that I couldn't stop thinking about hypothetical readers other than myself. I suppose that when I unearth these "treasures" now, I could be said to have become such a reader other than myself, though the difference between the "me" of then and the "me" of now is slimmer than you might think.
hollsterhambone From: hollsterhambone Date: August 1st, 2007 12:18 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I just can't imagine a younger you walking around being that objective about ladies. It just kills me. How fabulous is that?

I could never keep a journal, either, because I was so hung up on what kind of audience (or which me) I wanted to please. It was too hard to be in all those places at the same time. Writing here is easier because at least I can hang my hat on my friend list.

Clearly slimmer than I ever would have thought! I'm just amazed.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: August 1st, 2007 02:27 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Like I just said in response to another commenter, this stand-alone entry was written after several months of communicating almost exclusively in German. I'd only started up with English again at the exchange student retreat in Fürth right before we went to Berlin. So my normal filters were still in storage. Of course, I also ended up screwing things up with some body memory-driven badness on the night after the last one described here, when I went out with Rod, Lena and Cassie and freaked out so much they all concluded that I was gay. I wrote about that here last year.
e_compass_rosa From: e_compass_rosa Date: July 31st, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I found that very nostalgically sweet, and it's not even my life! I'd dig out my old handwritten journal entries, 'cept that there aren't very many of them, and they're full of overblown angst. Some things I guess I have not gotten past at all.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: August 1st, 2007 01:41 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
If I can just convince myself -- and others -- that I was sweet back then, maybe I can delude them into thinking that the sugar never turned sour! Seriously, it's strange to see how unfiltered I was at that moment. I think it's because I'd been doing everything in German for months.
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