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Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
What's Going On
The last few weeks have been so difficult that my judgment is severely impaired. When I learned that I would need to head back to Maryland earlier than expected, because my mother is not doing well, I spent many hours considering various last-minute flight options. Surprisingly, some of them were reasonably priced. Nevertheless, I kept getting the impulse to rent a car and drive home, as I did two weeks ago from Louisville. But Tucson is considerably farther from the Washington D.C. area than Louisville. Even if I'd driven eighteen hours a day, the trip would have taken longer -- and cost more, factoring in gas and the rental fee -- than the first free flights that were affordable. I knew this all along, yet couldn't pull the trigger to book a flight. I guess that driving really is a kind of therapy for me.

In the end, I did the responsible thing and made arrangements to fly back home on Monday. Doing so will likely rule out some interesting opportunities that have presented themselves to me of late, but I really don't have any choice. My sister has been back there since I returned to Tucson, enduring all the ups and downs while also doing her best to keep my father sane. Now it's my turn to relieve her. I just wish that I found it easier to sleep in my parents' house. Something about the environment sends my asthma into overdrive. Couple that with the debilitating frenzy that I've also experienced there -- I never really adjusted to the loss of my childhood home in Pennsylvania -- and chances are good that my time Back East will set me back both physically and psychologically.

That said, if my mother's condition stabilizes, I will have the pleasure of immersing myself in college basketball with my father and maybe watching some of the many shows he has recorded over the years. It will be nice to get the chance to do that, even if the circumstances that made the trip happen are very upsetting. I also hope to get a way for a few hours here and there to visit some of my favorite places in D.C., like the Smithsonian, Dupont Circle etc. Whether that will be possible is unclear, but I will at least make the effort, if only for my sanity.

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Current Location: 85704

8 comments or Leave a comment
From: e4q Date: March 7th, 2010 08:37 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
don't suppose there is somewhere else you can actually sleep? i can't sleep at my dad's - it's too dusty.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: March 7th, 2010 07:23 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Dusty, yes. And I think there are environmental molds somewhere on the outer -- and perhaps inner -- walls. I could probably find someone else to put me up, but my father really wants me to stay there.
From: e4q Date: March 7th, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)

or just really clean a room and have no textiles in there except bedding. my dad doesn't have central heating so his house is damp and mouldy which is the reason why the dust is especially heinous, too.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: March 8th, 2010 07:21 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
There is one room that's relatively clean. But I think my sister will be there, as it turns out that she isn't traveling back home to Idaho as she had planned last week. A tent, though, is a fine idea. If the rest of my nuclear post-family ever comes for a visit, that might be the best option.
From: e4q Date: March 8th, 2010 08:05 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
you have my sympathy. not just because of the family crisis, but i hate the horrid breathing, too.

i have made a nice monochrome blog today. that may help.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: March 10th, 2010 01:49 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Monochrome is always already a palliative. . .

elizabeg From: elizabeg Date: March 8th, 2010 06:16 pm (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Travel safely, Charlie. I'm not sure what else to say but I'll be thinking of all of you.
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: March 10th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Thank you. I can feel your thinking. It helps.
8 comments or Leave a comment