I suppose if my father has to go through this torment -- the trips to the hospital, the doubts raised by conflicting medical reports -- it's good that he can come home to a surfeit of college basketball games and someone to watch them with who matches his level of interest.

I know that it helps me to be that someone, even if I sometimes feel like I'm succumbing to televisual overload. But I'm too paralyzed with tension to do much else. I find myself leaving the set on long after he heads to bed simply because I can't achieve the mental and physical conditions necessary to pursue other activities. I'd like to make myself sleepy by reading on the sofa where I spend the night, but there's no light there and the ordered clutter of the surrounding living room -- my father has many piles of papers around his chair right now -- would make it very hard for me to concentrate if there were. That's why I'm typing this entry out on my phone while half-watching my sixth game of the day.