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Anniversary Party - De File
Does Collecting Make You Feel Dirty?
cbertsch
cbertsch
Anniversary Party
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cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: October 28th, 2010 05:10 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
I have been having so many second thoughts about posting this. But the feedback does seem to have shifted a psychological burden, if not entirely lifting it off of me.

Yes, the experience of reading her blog can be surreal. I am pretty tolerant of being written about, even negatively. Being written around or through, however, unnerve me.
alsoname From: alsoname Date: October 28th, 2010 05:22 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Being written around or through, however, unnerve me.

I probably do that with Ron sometimes -- write about things I did that day as if he weren't there with me. It stems from a feminist aversion against speaking in terms of a "we" all the time, which would seem to diminish my independence. There are probably more honest ways I could handle that. I have no idea if he finds it unnerving; I don't think I do it that much, and I certainly do mention him quite a bit -- I don't erase his presence in my life completely, and I don't think I downplay the role he plays in important events. If I'm going to "disappear" him it's more like, "I went to the grocery store today and this weird thing happened to me," not mentioning him even though he was there.

I understand having second thoughts -- I have deleted many a LiveJournal entry upon waking up the next morning. But I'm glad you posted it and am glad you're keeping it up!
cbertsch From: cbertsch Date: October 28th, 2010 06:19 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
That's a really good point about the feminist reasoning behind not using "we". I was fairly OK with the erasure for a long time. But the fact that she has been writing extensively about my parents' move to Tucson -- with which she has helped immensely, I must add -- while also, it seems, engaging in a new romance here in town and still writing around me has been too much to handle.
alsoname From: alsoname Date: October 29th, 2010 03:40 am (UTC) (LINK TO SPECIFIC ENTRY)
Well, I certainly think that my reasoning is way different from her reasoning, especially because I haven't come close to writing Ron out of the LJ version of my life anyway. More like, writing him out of silly grocery-store anecdotes, or whatever, just so everything isn't all "ME AND MY PARTNER, WE, WE, US!" all the time. I have never read her journal, didn't even know she had one, so I am only just from this entry starting to learn what kinds of things she has been writing in it. It seems really weirdly unhealthy, though I shouldn't presume to have anything approaching all the information. But to craft a narrative so at odds with the reality of the situation seems like it could lead to weird compartmentalizations. I definitely understand why it would be difficult for you to deal with; I don't know if I would be able to!
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