Charlie Bertsch (cbertsch) wrote,
Charlie Bertsch

Step By Step

So, I'm inching my way back towards maintaining a regular presence here again. And the way I mean to do it is by treating this space as the public diary that it really is rather than pretend that it's some grandiose project. The more I think about it, the more I'm starting to think that I just needed to break the connection with certain non-LJ folks who read me on a regular basis. The pressure of having to perform for them, on top of everything else going on in my life, was simply too much to cope with.

Some of those readers were longtime friends. Some were former colleagues. And some were people I've grown close to recently, with whom I therefore felt a special obligation to put my best foot forward. Now that they've surely drifted away -- who would keep checking a blog that has one entry in a month? -- I can scale back my ambitions and just say what's on my mind.

What's going on this week? Well, today was my father's eightieth birthday. Kim and Skylar joined me on Saturday at my parents' apartment to celebrate with him prior to the Belmont Stakes. Then they left for a mother-daughter trip to the same places in the San Diego area that the three of us had just visited the previous week.

They seem to be having a grand time there. I am more jealous of their fun than I normally would be, as I may explain in a later entry, but still relatively calm about the fact that I'm back in Tucson partaking of the area's famous "dry heat." Tonight was my father's real birthday, so I cooked my parents dinner, then watched the first part of an opera with him after I'd put my mother to bed. Together with having his granddaughter over to watch all three Triple Crown races, that was about as good a birthday present as I could have given him.

Now I'm sitting here rather agitated by the full moon, trying to get myself sleepy enough to enjoy the restful slumber I can enjoy only when I'm by myself. But I will finish off the coconut curry I made for dinner before that happens, then curl up with the two Japanese novels in translation that I'm rereading for an essay I plan to write: Kawabata Yasunari's Snow Country and Murakami Haruki's A Wild Sheep Chase. I like the idea of switching between them, both because they are so different in tone and because I read them the first time at very different junctures in my twenties.

Well, there you have it. I managed to write an actual entry that communicates something more than my tortured musings on why I haven't been able to write actual entries communicating something more than my tortured musings. That's progress, even if it doesn't quite qualify as a a full step forward.
Tags: autobiography, blogging, everyday, health
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