A strange thing has happened to me recently. Several of the projects I set aside years ago because of my self-pitying, disorganization or general ADHD-ness have suddenly, unexpectedly reactivated in my mind without me making a concerted effort to start them up again. Whatever mental and material blocks were impeding me are no longer as imposing. I can still sense them, like furniture in a dark room, but have found a way, perhaps because of prolonged accustoming to the lack of light, to navigate around without banging my shin all the time.

Whether this change will persist long enough for me to make meaningful headway in trying to complete one of these projects -- the problem, as always, is that I can't seem to concentrate on one to the exclusion of the others -- is unclear. But I am at least not giving this graciously donated horse a dental inspection. For once, I'm trying to enjoy the moments when I am excited to read, take notes or write in detail as they come, without worrying about their place in the grand scheme of things.

Perhaps it was sufficient just to take a long enough break from this work, bound up as it was with so much stress and strain, for me to be able to remember that it does make me happy to do it. I've had similar thoughts every time I set out to revive this blog, mind you, and have found out the hard way on each occasion that the negativity that I associate with being here on Live Journal is not so easily vanquished. Still, I am hopeful.

Tags: autobiography, blogging, health, writing
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